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Due to the fact that I’m sort of a self proclaimed jack of all trades, you could be here for any number of reasons. Whatever it is, I’m glad you’re here!
Recent Posts
Non-Conformist ~ An Art Piece Dedicated to Me and You
Just a little insight to my creative experience making this painting. I hope you enjoy a little more of my vulnerability.
FOMO
Fear of missing out….
Okay, hear me out. I know it’s easy to get wrapped up in what everyone else is doing, and wishing we were there, or wishing we weren’t where we are. But why?
I spent a lot of time last year hurting because my divorce took me away from a lot of my old routines. It made me feel like I was no longer a part of my kids lives, part of that was connected to being an empty nester. I even felt like I was missing out on all of the fun my ex and I used to have together. I had gotten it into my head that I wasn’t able to do things on my own, or that I wasn’t actually capable of my own fun, even though I am a naturally independent person.
Last week was a family member’s birthday and the memories of an event we spent together popped up on my Facebook memories. Love and hate those sometimes! The realization was that I was able to share those pictures with the active parties and not feel sad that I was missing out on this year’s festivities was a great feeling. It’s really hard to see my growth until something like that happens. I did some thinking around all of that and had some realizations. I’ve been big on reframing my thought processes around the past and what I want for the future, so I thought I’d share how my brain came to understand why I feel okay now versus last year per say.
What are you missing out on?
A lot of what hurt me last year was the hopes I had for the future. Realistically speaking, the things I was sad about weren’t even my past reality. I was missing the life I wanted, and not really missing how life was before. I think a lot of FOMO is related to that kind of thinking. That happy photo or thing you are missing out on was a fraction of a second in comparison to the grand scheme of things, or maybe even just posed as a grandiose thing.
A question for you, when you see things happening in your social feeds, what is the thing you’re actually sad about? Are you missing the connections? Are you jealous of the activity? Do you feel unchosen?
What do you really desire?
I love doing things, going places, being with my people, laughing and having a good time. Realistically speaking, the fun photo memory had a lot of not good attached to it. The behind the scenes included arguing, being sad, not being sober, and genuinely not feeling good about myself. Being at that event wasn’t good for me, or my family. It didn’t help my marriage at the time, it just fed into a lot more insecurity and angst.
So what do or did I really want? I want to go play and connect with my family. I want to feel good and know that my actions are aimed at my true north and following thru to that. The me that I want to present to the world, isn’t that old person. So why would I miss out on things that don’t sing to my soul anymore?
Knowing you’re experiencing FOMO, and realizing what it is you actually want is helpful.
How do you act on that?
Live the life you want. Believe me, I know it’s harder than just that. We spend so much time doing what we think other’s expect of us that we neglect our soul satisfying life. We go out drinking even if we know it is actually bringing our day to day down. More times than I can count, I went out and partied all night, then didn’t go out and hike like I’d planned the next morning. Fail. The acting has a lot to do with what you are willing to live with, connected to where you find peace as yourself.
Saying no is okay. Make the plans you want. If you want to go watch the sunset, and someone asks you to do something else, you already have plans, stick to them. #boundaries Your people are advocating for themselves, it’s okay to advocate for yourself too. Side note, it is okay to ask for a moment to decide what you really want when you’re invited to do something, and then get back to them. Take the time to reflect on what actually brings you more joy. Are you afraid you’ll upset someone? Is what they want more important than your want? Are you just scared you’ll miss out on something crazy? Will it really impact you in a positive way? You do you boo.
My biggest realization has come through focusing on the positives in my life. I love where I live now, even if it’s not a quick drive to see family. I actually talk to my kids more now than I did when I lived there, I still miss them like crazy. I am spending more time creatively. I was able to go to Costa Rica last month. My job is even pretty fun, even if I’d like to make more money doing it. I even have a goal to beat that income with my photography. Change is good.
Initially finding this for myself felt like a betrayal to my family. Now though, I FEEL more balanced as myself than I have ever felt in my life. I drinking a lot less and less often, maybe I’ll quit someday but I haven’t fully committed to that yet.
I am going to continue fighting for me and I hope you will start to fight for yourself too.
Finding Stillness
It’s easy to lose ourselves in the busy. Costa Rica time may be different than real world time, but it’s still important to find still moments.
Everywhere the light touches is our home.
Yesterday was brutal, and I almost missed snorkeling because I was chasing comfort. I chose to go anyway, and I was rewarded with sights I would have never seen from my phone screen. Why do we let a little discomfort dictate our lives? It’s time to break free.
The Twelfth Month .2025.
and that’s a wrap!
Funny story… I was very intentional about bringing my new journal with me because I wanted to journal on our trip to Costa Rica. I made sure to finish out my thoughts on the year as a whole in my old one because I had planned to write this post while I’m down here. For the sake of trying to downsize my amazing ability to overpack, I decided to leave the journal. Fail. BUT, because I don’t want to accept failure, I found another way. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and I take a lot of photos, so I’m using them to reflect.
Last year, December, was probably one of the most heart breaking months of my life. For over 18 years, my life identity circled around being a wife and mother. Being out on my own with none of that was hard. Granted, I was still a mother, but having an empty nest in the midst of getting divorced felt life shattering. Yet, from the ashes I rose. Looking back at where I was then and where I am now, I feel more myself than I have felt since before I graduated high school. That’s over 20 years ago, oof. Getting back into creativity, and striving to find growth on all levels, has really helped me to find my light again. I am so grateful to my family for stepping up and supporting me through the darkness, and even just being there to hold me when I cried. I like to think I’m an introvert but I definitely thrive with human connection. If I hadn’t made the effort to continue working with a therapist, and stayed intentional about learning new healthy habits, who knows where I’d be. Sometimes we have to lean on others, and be open minded to really be able to break out of our shells.
This month was very beautiful. I started with the intention of continuing to find creative time, being intentional about reading every day, and also trying to be intentional about building a village in my new home.
Creativity
I got to find creative time with photograph, baby blankets, paint nights, sewing projects, Christmas activities with my love, doodling and even practicing writing down my thoughts in creative ways. While the month felt short, due to travel days and being out of my comfort zone, I am very content with how much I did. I honestly can’t wait to get back home to my sewing machine. The sewing projects brought me the most joy, learning, and even built my confidence. If you put your mind to it, and practice, you can learn to do almost anything! Did you know that learning new things helps give you dopamine hits, that help you want to seek out more learning, or even help chase new goals?
Reading
Poetry has always been a love of mine. I reread 3 of my Atticus poetry books, read one by a newer artist, and even found a random poetry book at the thrift store to read. Reading about love through other peoples expression of theirs, or even their heartbreak, helps me to process my own love and heal too.
I also continued to read the Good Vibes book. As of today (01.05.2026), I only have probably 20 pages left, and I will likely read it all over again while I’m away from home. I want to really absorb it, and think I might try to reflect on each section. Don’t hold me to that one though, the beach is a very distracting place. 😅
I even started picking daily affirmation cards again. I really enjoy reading positive things to help spark positive thinking early in the day. And also reading my little horoscope has been an interesting perspective to take me out of my brain hole.
Below are some of the thoughts that really spoke to me this month.
Connection
My daughter was the inspiration for this one. Being a long ways from home makes it easy to feel disconnected, or maybe it just inspires FOMO. Either way, she suggested on Mondays we send each other three pictures from our week. I have missed my little grand babies, and my own babies of course, and this has been a great way to help me be intentional about staying in communication with her. Side note, if anyone else in my family wants to do this with me, shoot me a message, I love you too.
It also helped me to remember it’s good to build connections where I’m at. I love that bartending allows me to meet new people, I can’t say that they are all positive experiences, but I enjoy being a shiny spot with people I meet. I have met some really fun people this last month, remembering peoples names is so important for building relationships with customers, and helping to ensure they come back. Being new to the area, makes communicating a great way to get in the know of happenings in the area too. While I’m loving the sun, I will be excited to continue fostering connections, and maybe even find people who inspire my continued growth in this life. Part of that is going to be learning to be consistent and building actual friendships that I can lean on there too. It’s really easy to just spend time with my love because we genuinely enjoy our time together, but it’s good to get out of your bubble and understand the perspectives of others outside of our digital screens.
Did I mention I became a Grandma for the third time this month?!? Goodness, they’re all soooo cute, even if they cry and runaway. Lol!
My Resolution?
I’m in goal mode, not chasing the unattainable. Also continuing to build on my healthy mind and health as a whole. Kind of funny how life seems to go full circle and balance out the things we find passion in. What is my biggest goal you ask? I’m sharing it like it’s happened because I plan to #manifestthatshit and believing is the first step!
I’ve replaced my bartending income with my photography, and other creative adventure income.
I plan to keep journaling of course, because that has been a huge blessing for me. So far it has been my gratitude practice, pulling an affirmation card, pulling a Woodland Wardens card, along with my thoughts on those things. I’m trying to find new ways to break through old mind barriers. Finding my more confident self, and learning constantly. I’m sure I’ll find new things to incorporate, why not right?
My daughter, again inspiring me, is doing a BINGO card with things to do and check off this year. It sounds like a fun way to challenge myself to try some new things, and even commit to some better habits. I’ve really had a pull to start meditating again, I think that will be top of the card. You can see her TIKTOK about it HERE, I might be a little proud, and also hope you are inspired too.
Anyone else feeling like 2026 is going to be the best year yet???
November .2025.
The Month of Thanks This is always a month of gratitude practice in the world. I think that’s pretty great. How perfect is it to encourage focusing on the good things in our lives, especially in the season that usually sparks depression in the world. …
October 2025
October has always been a month that seems to fly by because it’s been a month full of things that bring me joy. My son was born October 5th, and of course Halloween. This year, the 13th, which should have been my anniversary, was a …
The Hunter’s Month – September 2025
Two months in Wyoming, and here comes the real test… Rick is headed to elk camp, for the month. Holy fuck nugget! Thank goodness for Starlink. 😅 I decided to put my gratitude with every post because I had a lot of hard feeling this month, and I didn’t want you to think I completely neglected all the good stuff.
09.02.2025
It’s Tuesday, Rick left for hunting camp on Saturday. I can’t say that I’m a fan of being at our house when he isn’t here. Especially if I’m not busy, I miss him a lot. It just feels lonely. I wish that I had some friends here already, or that I was home for this, around my kids. Paige is due to pop any day and I want to be there. I know it’s not a reasonable want because I know they will want time to adjust with the new little guy joining the party. How am I so dependent on him already? How have I let my existence melt so deeply into him?
I made waffles today, also enchiladas, and rice to make burritos tomorrow. Did a little shopping and even went to shoot my pistol. That was a blast. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll get to the yard work and get to shoot my gun again. I should be painting. I just feel sad. I don’t want Rick to feel bad being out there, especially since he’s sick too. Sigh…
Gratitude: Cozy blankets, meal prepping, waffles, retail therapy, pistol time, music, video & voice messages, family, comedy shows, and Star.
If you make friends with yourself, you’ll never be alone. -Maxwell Maltz
09.03.2025
Dreams have been weird lately. High School stuff, why is my head going there? Why does it feel like I’m getting depressed again? There is so much to be joyful about. Just realized four days off alone is why I feel so lonely. It feels good to have gotten yard stuff done. Wish the birdies would start eating from my feeders tho. Also got a few crafty projects to start working on too.
Gratitude: Sunshine, my Lovey, my baby doggy, gym plans, a healthy body, yard work, retail therapy, hot tea, squishmallows, and cozy blankies.
09.04.2025
Lots of tears today. I miss everyone. I definitely feel joy that my new grand baby arrived, and is healthy, just really wish I was there to enjoy him. I know I’ll have time, patience just isn’t strong today. I must be about to start my period because I’m overly sensitive. I wish Rick was going to Oregon with me on my next trip. I just want all my life pieces to connect a little bit.
Okay… TALK IT OUT! It is okay to have feelings. It’s better to talk about them, than to bury them deep. I don’t have much of a poker face when I’m upset.
Gratitude: Baby Gregg is healthy, Paige is good after labor, gym time, yummy lunch, fun work crew, Tuesday off, getting to spend more time with Rick at camp, genuine love, happy doggy, and a cute new sweater.
09.05.2025 Got my small ass paycheck today… I’m worth more than that. It’s time to dig into profiting off of my creative side.
09.08.2025 – Day 1 @ Elk Camp
4:45 came early… We both didn’t wanna wake up, but did and got out to look for elk. I love every minute we spend together. I keep thinking it’s gonna get old spending so much time together, but it doesn’t. It just gets better. We saw a few bull elk and heard a few calls but none came back to camp with us. Maybe tomorrow? Glad I’ve got till Thursday.
Gratitude: Snuggles, seeing Rick in his element, sunshine, the smell of sage, full moon vibes, Star loves the outdoors, creative inspo, hot tea, quality time, and music.
09.09.2025
We headed out and the wind was blowing the wrong way, so we went a different direction. Rick found a big group of cows and bulls bugling. He even found the big daddy elk that he wanted, but some other hunters spooked the herd onto private property. He was pretty bummed, and so was I, because I wanted to experience that with him.
Gratitude: Sunrise, hiking, cool rocks, elk bugles, cow calls, watching Rick get excited, seeing elk go crazy, Star happy to see us back, homemade waffles, and sun tea.
09.10.2025
Today I laid in the sun, blew bubbles, and made bracelets. I had to smile because Rick came out and said that he’d never seen an elk camp like that before! I’m glad he appreciates my silly.
Gratitude: Hiking, sunbathing, desert life, morning snuggles, sunrise photos, wubbz, being outside, knowing I’ll miss him, time with my love, and exciting future plans.
09.19.2025
((The redacted entry… Sometimes journal stuff has to be private, not just for me, but for those the entry includes.))
…I need to work on helping me too. Sometimes it’s hard to do when I feel so low, helpless, and lonely…
Gratitude: Sunshine, glitter polish, reconnecting with my love, coffee, squishmallows, his laugh, good people, cozy clothes, roller-skates, and my bat-pack.
09.22.2025
I didn’t journal for a few days, but I got to see my grand babies, so I of course have to document that here and share adorable pictures of them of course!
. Last entry of the month, the 28th of September .
The last week has been a ride. The festival opened a lot of past trauma, not just for me, but Rick too. We both hurt the other. We have had some REALLY great convos since. I feel more in alignment with him than I have ever felt with anyone. Like I can now share anything with him, while I was scared before. All of the time we spend together never grows old, just seems to grow stronger. It feels good to have a partner to do all the things with. He makes me want to do and be better.
Rick rented some horses for Ian’s hunt and I’m loving seeing them outside the back window. I also love that Rick is excited to ride them with me. I think he has a nurturing personality too, hearing him talk to the horses makes my heart melt. He’s a very generous person on all fronts.
Gratitude: Sunshine, music, Star snuffles, peaceful mornings, lovey, words of affirmation, morning snuggles, peaceful mornings, and feeling happy.
Reflection
Hein sight is 20/20. New relationships still carry the old baggage of the past ones. No matter how good you feel, it’s easy to let your shadow side take over when you’re fearful, or unconfident. I am thankful to be able to communicate in a way that is very open. I can’t say enough how important it is to have communication in person, or over the phone, NOT text messages!
Also, I must say that substances can enhance how you are feeling, good and bad. That’s a realization I’ve know for a long time but apparently had to learn the lesson again. Nobody is perfect and if you believe you are, you’re missing out on potential growth that could make your relationships blossom even more.
August 2025
Okay, what the heck??? We are already in the eighth month of the year and I’m not sure how to feel about it. It seems as though life has evolved so significantly in the last bit of time that it seems unrecognizable to what it …
July .2025.
I was supposed to be out fighting fire, but life had different plans… July 1st If I don’t get called out to a fire in two weeks, I might just pack up and go there before October… It might be wreckless but… I’d rather go …