July .2025.
I was supposed to be out fighting fire, but life had different plans… July 1st If I don’t get called out to a fire in two weeks, I might just pack up and go there before October… It might be wreckless but… I’d rather go …
Recent Posts
Gemini Month B*tches .2025.
Birthdays are a mother f’er. Nothing like feeling older to help give you a swift kick in the direction of motivation. Seeing that life keeps on going, makes me want to keep on growing. Keep finding all the things that bring me joy and continue …
MAY .2025. You be the best YOU!
Life transitions. Birthdays. Break-ups. New connections. Adventures. Life plans. Who tf knows?!? Anything is possible.
… Not unhappily, but not fully either, like living in a house where the lights worked, but only in certain rooms. @thesenseswefeel
I saw that quoted on someone else’s social media and while I have love, when things don’t align with who you are, or want to be, staying only dims your light.
05.2025 Randos
As I’ve gone thru my journaling this last month, I’ve noticed that there’s a lot of feeling like I’m missing people, and also a lot of disliking them too. I’ve decided to skip over that, because the negative doesn’t serve me. It’s time to move on and upward from the shit show that was my life.
05.17.2025
Insecurity is wild! I came in feeling good, then seeing people who are more experienced than me made me anxious. It’s weird to want to be seen and not want to be seen at the same time. I wonder how to remedy that? How to get be better at not caring, and better at content as myself. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. I belong anywhere I desire.
Pack test time 38 min ❤️ Proud to have finished with a great time. I even passed guys younger than me! Kinda funny how insecurities are for nothing most of the time. How do I build the confidence muscle? Trusting myself should come easier, especially considering how many times I’ve proven myself STRONG.
Gratitude 1. Sunshine 2. Memories 3. Blue skies 4. Ash & Kory 5. Old friends 6. Creative time 7. Easy problems 8. New connections 9. Yummy coffee 10. New adventures 11. Pushing comfort zones 12. Edibles 13. Passed the pack test!
05.21.2025
It feels good to be at peace with not requiring a partner in my life. I’m starting to see the people in my life who actually enjoy my company without expectations. A lot of my connections are surface level, and I’m realizing I don’t need deep with everyone. I have it with myself. ❤️
Grateful ~ Puppy lovins, Black Rock coffee, Paige time, Sunshine, Long hot showers, Music, Comfy shoes, Early mornings, Road trip plans, Journal time.
05.23.2025
Sometimes life brings people in your path who make you feel alive. Make you feel seen as the beautiful being you are. Finding someone, even if it is no strings, no label, not sure what it is exactly, who makes you smile and finds peace in the same places as you is pretty amazing. Fear is such a sad place to be in. It feels great to be able to place myself as a priority. To feel like it’s okay to have boundaries, to want my healthy self, and for it to be a good thing is pretty rad. It’s amazing how some times it only takes positive people to make your positive shine.
Left for Missoula yesterday and stayed the night. Woke up and drove to Wyoming. Being in an uncluttered space feels so calm. Definitely makes me excited to cut back on my stuff. Energy and actions are huge, and I’m really enjoying that. I like having someone share my excitement for fire season.
Meditation
Have you ever had something that you’re not looking forward to? Like going home from a vacation? Leaving someone you don’t want to part with? I still struggled to meditate consistently this month, but what opened my eyes to the importance of it was just that. The day I left Wyoming, I felt sad. I meditated before parting ways and it really calmed my spirits. I was able to look at the happenings of the day with a level head. Sitting through a gratitude meditation helped me reframe my mindset on the joys I had experienced, and the mindset that goodbye only meant see you later.
Book of the Month
The Cafe on the Edge of the World by John Strelecky
This book was a huge contributor to life decisions I’ve made recently. I love personal development books that use a story to help set in the concepts. We are so stuck doing things that we are discontent with. Why? I have spent a long portion of my life wanting “things” and for what reason? Don’t get me wrong, I still want those cute boots that compliment my outfit just right on a night out, but at what expense? Do I want to be in debt, stuck in the rat race? No. Can I use a pair that I already own? Yes. This book really helped me to differentiate between what I think I want, and what I really want. It’s not just about possessions though. It’s about life goals, relationships, careers, daily decisions. Delicious! I highly recommend it if you need to reframe your brain, or if you’re just feeling unsatisfied with where your life is.
Onto the month of OLD age…
It’s my birth month, yes, I’m a Gemini ! Btw, not a huge fan of celebrations, definitely a fan of cake though. 😏
A Foolish Month 04.2025
Self care was weak this month… I did get a few things right though. My music theory is on point! Wanna know what it is??? I’ll share it below, with a link to my new fave playlist even. 😘 Really though, I didn’t do a …
March 2025
Three months down. The majority of what I’ve heard is right, things are feeling better. The feeling of my heart falling out of my chest has gone, sadness still has moments, but on the lower percentage of things. I’m seeing more light than dark. That’s …
February 2025
Every month seems to add a bit of growth. I met someone last month and this month, it’s kinda blown my mind how much fun I’ve had relearning my value. Guilt is a terrible thing and feeling ashamed of my actions led me to a dark place. Not just internally but with pretty much every connection I have. Taking the time to do things I enjoy again, along with diving into the why of my shadow traits has been freeing. Sometimes acknowledging our needs and realizing we deserve all the goodness despite our shit show is hard to do.
I’ve realized that comfort is a motivation killer. I hardly journaled this month because I’ve been finding joy in a lot of little things. Have there been lows, there sure as hell have, but I’m ruminating on them less. Do I still struggle with the loss of a 19 year relationship? Of course I do, but it’s no longer dictating my every move. I’m starting to focus on the possibility of a brighter future. Looking into going back to school, doing wildland firefighting this summer, and investing in learning new hobbies has been life changing.
Therapy
I have two therapists. One of them is the therapist my ex and I used for couple counseling. The other is a less conventional but I’m seeing so much good. It will probably never stop blowing my mind how powerful our thoughts are, and how they can lower our energy or raise it up. One of my favorite things to get from therapy is homework. Sessions are amazing because most of the time I get an emotional release of some sort, but really being able to work on stuff throughout the week is the most important. The battle of self is won in the daily habits.
Self love/acceptance is something I struggle with. One of my therapists has me doing mirror affirmations. Remember how I shared about the high-five in the mirror? This is kinda that, but on steroids. It’s pretty challenging to look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself you’re loved and believe in yourself, when you don’t really. But we all should because we are all unique and amazing in ourselves.
Mirror – Day 1
- Throughout the day each time you pass a mirror or see your reflection, please repeat these affirmations, even if you have to do it silently.
- Stand or sit in front of your bathroom mirror.
- Look into your eyes.
- Take a deep breath and say this affirmation: “I want to like you. I want to really learn to love you. Let’s go for it and really have some fun”
- Take another deep breath and say, “I’m learning to really like you. I’m learning to really love you”
- This is the first exercise, and I know it can be a little challenging, but please stay with it. Keep taking deep breaths. Look into your eyes. Use your own name as you say, ”I’m willing to learn to love you, [Name, I’m willing to learn to love you]”
… 02.03.2025 …
Journal pic because sharing the chaos of my brain might help you accept yours. <3
Gratitude
My most recent morning routine addition has included meditation and gratitude. Spending time with positivity and focusing on the things I am grateful for has been really good for me. Starting out the day listing out ten things that I am grateful for, even if it starts with a small gratitude tends to increase with each thought.
… 02.23.2025 …
- Music and dance 💃🪩🕺
- Colors
- Creative play aka kandi
- Kissing 😘
- Waking up to a smiling face
- Cheesecake in bed 🧁
- Weekend getaways
- Cozy sweatshirts
- Meeting new people
- Love 💗
Meditation right off the bat was hard. I didn’t really enjoy the video, but I sat naked on the bed and feel like that was growth. Self acceptance is a slow but worthy journey. It helps to have amazing people in my life that help me see the light of me. <3
Looking for joy, the positives, the good things, sure makes them seem more abundant. I know my hyper focus is on Jason right now, but so much good seems to show up when we are together. You attract your energy, and I love our energy. He makes me smile, and I do the same with him. I like that a lot. I like the vulnerable moments we have together. I feel safe with him. Having someone hear me, and talk things out in a way of looking for understanding is pretty rad.
… 02.25.2025 …
- Pockets of blue sky
- Dino tattoos
- A partner in crime
- Silly dog walks
- Finished blog posts
- Poetry
- “Honey, I’m home!”
- Being helpful
- Being included in life
- Meditative reflection
It’s getting close to being three months since he asked for divorce. I am sad for the disconnect of our family, but I am grateful for the new life I am living.
I want connection that is present in my life. I want to feel safe to be myself, and be the joyful person I truly am. I want to be able to share who I am and not worry that it will have a trauma response type consequence.
I live not to be put in someone else’s box. I don’t fit anyone’s mold because I am my own unique being. Is there really such thing as an original anymore? Probably not but I am enjoying my expression. There’s a certain peace in knowing that I am in control of me, and other people get to choose how they feel about it, but it’s not anything for me to worry about anymore.
Book of the Month
I had pre-ordered this book hoping it would arrive in December. It wasn’t supposed to be here till February so I cancelled the order. I ended up getting it on Audible and I have to say, I wanted it to help me through my break up, but it has helped me in so many ways. Understanding friendships, kids, family, expectations… Amazalicious! I’ve still got a couple chapters to go before finishing it, but so far it has been life changing.
Reflection
There are no real guidelines on when is too soon. No real guidelines to tell how to transition from point A to point B. No way to really know when is the right time. And healing is not linear. Sometimes I struggle with the guilt of loving more than one person, and then I remember that I love big, and I love multiple family members. It’s okay to love my ex in a different way than it was, and it’s okay to love someone new. It’s all about boundaries and how I move forward. I want to be true to myself, and no one else knows how to do that for me. It’s learning how to navigate new, and I’m here for it.
January 2025
… 2025 …Pause. Reflect. Act. I have the choice. Feelings that come and go, are no longer allowed to be the leader of my life.
What’s the right track?!?
Seven years ago I hopped on the “I wanna be a badass” train. I focused heavily on exercise, eating healthy, drinking water, and avoiding just about anything that caused my body harm. Well, last year was a doozy, and for the first time I found myself questioning what the point was. I signed up for wildland fire fighting and ate terrible, lost sleep, and basically lost my motivation, or energy, to push myself towards “perfection.” Kinda weird that something everyone views as badass made me feel differently. That’s not saying I don’t think fire fighters are badass, BECAUSE THEY ARE!
That brings me to today. I’ve found a love, or comfort, in my body not being a lean mean fighting machine. I’ve found comfort in some of it being softer, mostly because the people I’ve spent time with seemed to appreciate me, whether my body was rock hard, or not. (Self worth issues, for sure!)
BUT I’ve also realized that I’m wearing down. I don’t have the energy like I did before, and my skin is definitely starting to show it’s age. While I’d love to say I don’t suffer with body dysmorphia anymore, that’s just not true. It still rears it’s ugly little head when I’m getting ready to go out dancing on the town. I change my outfit ten times, and I often revert back to my first outfit and end up feeling great in it. So, I’ve decided to reflect on the things that I know make me feel my best. Not just visually, but internally too.
I’ve talked with you guys about depression before, it’s not new news that’s it’s something I struggle with seasonally, and sometimes longer. This may be TMI, but last year, I got the IUD and it leveled out my hormones. Literally felt like the week after I got it, I leveled off and my depression went away. It also brought a lot of baggage with other things though, and I had it removed recently. Part of my want to feel my best is contributed to that. Just like having it put in, taking it out, I felt an almost immediate change. Finding balance is necessary. I know that hormones can be affected by gut health, and I know that I’ve been neglecting that too, so eventually that will get added into my focus.
I’m not saying that I’m committing to becoming a badass with my workouts and nutrition, but I want to be more intentional with my day to day choices. And sharing with my people helps me to stay accountable. Routine, helps me stay accountable. I need more of that in my life, for me…
If you have a minute, check out this video on YouTube. It’s a great giver of perspective.
What’s my plan?
Wake up earlier!!!
I know that I feel my best when I get up and start my day productively. It’s easy to stay snuggled up in bed and let the day fly away, but I don’t want that. I want the most out of my days.
Movement
Daily! Whether it be weights, hiking, dancing, HIIT, roller skating, whatever. I’ll say that I’ve noticed the most change when I’m using weights, so that will likely be my go to. I wish it wasn’t so easy to be a couch potato because there are too many things to enjoy in life.
Skin care
This has the potential of sounding vain, but I need to take care of my skin. I’m no spring chicken anymore and I prefer to keep a youthful appearance as looong as I can. I moisturize my face twice a day, why wouldn’t I do the same for the rest of the skin on my body?
Also, once a week I plan to do a salt scrub. I learned how to do this at a health retreat. My skin felt amazing each time I did it.
Salt Scrub
- 1/2 cup epsom salt
- 1/2 cup table salt, sometimes I’ll use Dead Sea salt
- A couple drops of water
- Optional couple drops of essential oil, like tea tree oil or lavender
Mix ingredients in a bowl and then hop into the shower. Rinse off with hot water for a few minutes to open up your pores. Turn it off and take a handful of salt, scrubbing it from your feet to your face, if your face isn’t too sensitive. Use common sense. Once all the salt has been used, shower like normal.
Skin feels baby smooth! Added benefits are the epsom salt helps you feel relaxed. I’m always in a great mood after a salt scrub.
Drink… Water
My goal used to be a gallon. I’m not going to set that goal. I’m not even going to put a number on it. Water has too many good benefits to allow myself to not be good about drinking it.
First thing in the morning… One quart of warm water with juice from 1/2 a lemon.
Throughout the day, try to drink water every hour. When it’s hot out, that’s not typically a problem. When is cold, I like warm water, that’s not a problem either. It’s the in between days when I’m not sweating or cold that it’s harder.
Also, I’ve been drinking alcohol. Not that I’m abusing it, but I should limit it to less than it’s been. #depressant #emptycalories
Eat, duh.
It’s funny how being plant based, you’d assume I eat a lot of veggies. Well, I’ve been neglecting those. Carbs are easy to find when you eat out.
Time to start cooking, and prepping food again. I’m going to aim for a schedule like below, but I’m not aiming for perfection. I opted for dinner as a smoothie because I typically want a treat, or snack in the evening and this gives me a healthy option, kinda like having ice cream. It’s finding the little tricks like this to help make eating a more successful journey.
Breakfast, fruits.
Lunch, veggies.
Dinner, smoothie/protein.
Include nuts and seeds for brain health!
Update: One Week In
Has it been perfect? Heck to the no. But I feel really good. I opted to do a 3 day juice and raw food type cleanse to start the week and even though I felt a little brain dead a couple of days, it was a great kickstart to this. I’ve gotten in a workout almost every day, even got in rollerskating a couple times on top of my workouts. On Tuesday I did my salt scrub and even though I had a crappy start to my work shift, I didn’t let it get to me. Another thing I’ve remembered is that health not only comes in the physical but the mental with being creative for me. So I’m working on incorporating creativity into each week. Life is fluid and I’m learning more and more each day to go with the flow, while also making space for my needs. I’d love to hear any tips or tricks you use to help keep yourself moving forward with your health, and/or life goals. <3
Cheat Day aka Treat Day Tips
You guys know I’m a sugar junkie. I love it ALL. It’s now holiday food season, and I figured it might be helpful to prepare for all the treats. If I allow myself a cheat/treat day, I tend to behave myself better through out the …