Happiness Isn’t Natural?

I know, some people seem naturally happy, but why are they and maybe we aren’t? Also, just out of curiosity, how is happiness defined?

I don’t really know if I comprehend what happiness truly is. Sometimes it seems like it’s just being present in the moment, every moment grows, and every moment has something shining in it. I think I could be considered a happy person, with some dark tendencies. The hunt for continuous improvement will forever be my life goal. Striving to be better, or maybe healthier is a better word, should be what we all strive for, if not for ourselves, but for the people we love. Have you seen videos that say “You would die for them, but would you live for them?” That’s something that has bounced around in my head for a while now. It’s easy for me to get sucked into a down spiral, only seeing and feeling the bad things, and I obviously don’t enjoy feeling like that, I’d rather “feel” happy.

I recently watched a video about ways to improve happiness. Some of the things I’ve heard before, but they were framed in a way that really sunk in for me. Hopefully me sharing them here helps you too. I’ll include the video link at the bottom so you can soak up the whole thing if you’d like. I learn by reflecting and trying, maybe you learn by listening.

Negativity Interruption

This really spoke to me. I’ve heard of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, as a way of helping to see the good but hearing it as an interruption was more helpful. When you’re stuck in a negative loop, sometimes it’s really hard to see the light. The strategy here, instead of aiming for a positive thought, find anything in your present moment to name, or call out in your brain.

Example: Nothing is right, I hate my life, this job sucks out my life force… Stop the thought… The sky is blue. There’s a car. There’s a bug. There’s my shoe.

The concept is that you are stopping the negative habit, and starting to build new pathways in your brain to start focusing on other things. That may not make you feel happy, but it helps alleviate some of that sadness. I believe it opens the door for goodness.

Deliberate Savoring

Savoring means holding onto it. Anyone else crunch the tootsie roll pop to get to the center? Everything is so fast now. Fast food, fast connections, fast video scrolling… It’s easy to have the good stuff just fly by. When we spend a lot of time focusing on the negative it burrows deep. It gets wired into our long term memories, in an effort to help keep us safe in the future. Darn that biased thought process. Happy thoughts require a lot more intention to implant deep memories. If we intentionally take time, 30 seconds at least, to soak in good events, they start to override that negative wiring. It’s important to savor the good things, no matter how small.

Example: The sun is warm on my skin. Sit there thinking about how it feels on my skin, the cozy feeling, the comfort, the peaceful and even safe feeling. Make a conscious effort to stick with that positive emotion for 30 seconds.

The more you do it, the easier it is to unconciously see the positive in your daily life.

Intentional Play

I believe this is the MOST IMPORTANT take away.

Going to my first music festival in 2022 opened my world back up to play in a new way. You’d think being a parent would have helped me stay connected to that, but honestly, I became so focused on the tasks of home, work, and order, that I lost touch with my playful side. Having moved away from the Portland silly scene has moved me a little back from how often I play in my favorite ways.

When all we are focused on is business, it’s hard to find joy. As adults we are actually hurting ourselves by not playing. We need to be intentional about making time for fun. Did you know that during play multiple brain regions activate at the same time? Parts of our brains that run creativity, social bonding, emotional regulation, and even our long term memory consolidation light up simultaneously. Our prefrontal cortex which controls our rational thinking, emotional regulation and the ability to experience positive emotions, is strengthened with play time. Play literally helps us feel more joyful. Our brains need stimulation!

Example: What is something you did as a kid that you enjoyed? I’ll share some of the things I enjoy, rollerskating, painting, picking flowers and smooshing them in a book, horseshoes, board games, making things like friendship or hemp bracelets, dancing, playing with my poi, blowing bubbles and especially playing with my grand babies… Maybe you enjoy making music, building stuff, there are so many different ways to play.

SCHEDULE 30 minutes every week, non-negotiable, and do one of those things. Play shouldn’t be something that you’re doing with a goal in mind, like perfecting guitar, it should be playyyyy! Bonus points if you get to be silly. More bonus points if you do it with friends or family.

Have you put it in your schedule yet? No? I’ll wait for you to do so. I’d love to hear what you’re going to do for play this next week!

Check the original video here. 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻