Welcome!
Due to the fact that I’m sort of a self proclaimed jack of all trades, you could be here because you are interested in outdoor adventures, recipes, or just plain ol healthy living. Whatever it is, I’m glad you’re here!
Recent Posts
February 2025
Every month seems to add a bit of growth. I met someone last month and this month, it’s kinda blown my mind how much fun I’ve had relearning my value. Guilt is a terrible thing and feeling ashamed of my actions led me to a …
January 2025
Pause. Reflect. Act. I have the choice. Feelings that come and go, are no longer allowed to be the leader of my life.
I started the year with resolutions in mind and pretty much dropped them. Why? Sometimes the curve balls of life change trajectories. The intentions for a healthier me, mentally and emotionally, have become the focus, and my eyes have been opened to all kinds of new perspectives.
Just a heads up. This post is going to be on the darker side. This is pretty much going to be a rollercoaster of my thoughts this last month because grief is a mf’er. Navigating all of that with sobriety, other than edibles to sleep, has been interesting. New Year’s Eve was spent doing all the party favors, and damn. The reflections, and the dip, that came after was intense. There will be jokes and funny shit sprinkled in between because I’m a firm believer that for every negative you should balance it out with 5-10 positive things.
I’ll have all my current reads, and YouTube stuff at the bottom, so you can continue to see what’s been feeding my soul.
… January 1 …
People come and go. Emotions flow like wind in the trees. It’s time to let go. Time to find a new path. I want to learn to trust my own breath to keep me alive. No more reliance on anyone else to find me. I’ve been blessed that every person in my life has served a part of my soul. Now it’s time to heal and find MY peace. #drugsanddancingintrospection
2 + 0 + 2 + 5 = 9 = Completion or Transformation, and releasing what no longer serves you/me! Numerology stuff. Give me all the woo-woo stuff as long as it seems relevant. – 01.03.2025
Dwelling on the past makes you miss out on the now! – 01.04.2025
… January 11th …
[The way you are treating me right now is beneath me!]
FUCK!
I hate this. I hate him. I hate hurting. I hate not having a home. I hate feeling like a burden to others. I hate selfishness. I hate read receipts. I hate crying. I hate that I miss someone who values me so little.
There were shiny pieces to today though. A sunny day. A hike with my family. Organizing my art stuff. A delicious apple. Star snuggles. A beautiful night sky. Rainbow lights. Scenic views. Dirty jokes. Lot’s of good. So stop texting him!
({Please note, none of this is meant to be a negative jab at anyone, feelings happen. I don’t really feel hate towards anyone, honestly, this is what needed to happen. Feelings aren’t always fact.})
COMEDIC RELIEF – Did you know boys have 3 knees? A left knee, a right knee, and a weenie….
… January 13th… Trigger Warning … suicide
The thought of ending my life crossed my mind today. It’s been a month, why do I still feel such deep pain?
That’s all I wrote that day. I share this because sometimes thoughts like that happen. Change them any way you can. Go outside. Call a friend. Hell call me, I’m safe person. REACH OUT! Call the hotlines. YOUR PEOPLE WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU, and want you here for them.
Lonely is hard. I thought this video was pretty interesting on helping us feel more connected to our people.
… January 15th …
Get over yourself already… Just play like a kid, enjoy the process. Why do I feel so embarrassed? Get over it already! I went to flow night at JaJaPDX and felt awkward by myself. I introduced myself to a couple people and they were nice, but they left early. After they left, I was ready to leave. I ended up staying 30 minutes longer though. <—- Doing the hard things makes VICTORY come easier the next time!
… January 19th …
Wake Up Routine
- No snooze – Countdown 5-4-3-2-1 and get out of bed.
- Make your bed – Helps stay out of it, also helps you start the day with an accomplishment.
- Give yourself a high 5 – Go to the bathroom mirror and do it!
- Drink water – Drink it before coffee, give yourself at least an hour of being awake before caffeine.
- Get outside AND go for a walk – Spend at least 10 minutes without music or any other stimulation other than the outside world. Daylight helps wake our bodies up.
- Bonus – Spend 15 minutes on a project that matters to you. Write. Draw. Business plan. Fill your cup before anyone else’s.
– Forward Ambulation – This is what you are getting during your 10 minutes of quiet on your walk. It’s an optic and auditory flow state, your brain absorbs the outer happenings, it changes the way you see the world. It helps quiet your anxiety, doesn’t let you ruminate and helps with all the over thinking. <3
I went to bed with intentions, and woke up with them too. My living space is starting to feel like home. I had low moments, but recovered pretty quickly. Are things getting better? Yes.
COMEDIC RELIEF – Where do you take someone who’s been in a peek-a-boo accident? The ICU.
… January 24th …
You don’t get to see this entry. BUT. My therapist said to make a pro’s and con’s list. Grieving an ended relationship can feel like a literal death. Do I hope that one day a friendship will be possible? Absolutely. Will there be low moments, missed memories? Yes. I’m learning to reframe them as happy moments that formed me, and happy that I’ll be able to utilize the not so good moments to learn from. I am referencing my not good behaviors here, I’m learning about the things me, that need work.
I can’t control what others do, I can control my reactions, and how I move forward. I’m thankful for that realization.
… January 29th …
Tears. So many. So much confusion. So much want for what I don’t want. I don’t want to be lonely. I don’t want to argue to be seen. I don’t want to feel like I’m never enough in my partnership. I don’t want to stress over money. Stress over the lack of communication. So little to want and yet, it’s not about the things. It’s about the person. It’s his silly side. It’s his generosity. Caring heart. All of those are worth it to me. It’s no longer my choice. Now it’s my choice to choose someone who will love me how I want to be loved. Someone who will choose me back.
FIND JOY!
Shiny spot… Little Leo is going to be a big brother! I’ll be a Grandma/Gigi times two soon!
Let’s RECAP!
I hope you got through all of that okay. I hope that you are able to find hope in some of my trials. I heard that it takes 30 days to detox from a relationship, kind of like an addiction. While I’d love to say I committed to that, I hadn’t. I know that signing the divorce paperwork will bring a new wave of feelings, but I also know that it’s getting better. And will get even better. If you’re struggling with something hard, it will hurt less, and more joy will find you too. Be patient, give yourself grace, and space to feel the feelings.
Current Book Obsessions
I have had this book for a while, it shows, obviously. Bianca Sparacino has a way with words that helps the hurt feel a little less. Gives hope, and encourages moving forward to see you are worthy of all the things.
Videos for Growth
Social Anxiety- The Healthy Gamer of course, HERE
The Cost of Ignoring Trauma – An interview on the channel We Need to Talk, with Gabor Mate, HERE
Sleep Hacks
I have been focused on sleep meditations, BUT frog sounds are my go to background sound. Sometimes just having a noise helps quiet the noise of overthinking in bed.
This podcast on Spotify has a small section that I like to reference for relaxing to sleep. He has you tighten and then relax all the sections of the body, a little bit at a time. I am almost asleep by the time he’s done. I don’t know enough about Astral Projection, but the body relaxation is super helpful. The guided part starts around eight minutes in, listen to it when you’re not trying to sleep to understand it, then practice it when you go to bed.
Laugh of the month
Like literally, I laughed so hard when I watched THIS!
Sending lots of love your way, please send some mine! See you next month with another update. <3
What’s the right track?!?
Seven years ago I hopped on the “I wanna be a badass” train. I focused heavily on exercise, eating healthy, drinking water, and avoiding just about anything that caused my body harm. Well, last year was a doozy, and for the first time I found …
Cheat Day aka Treat Day Tips
You guys know I’m a sugar junkie. I love it ALL. It’s now holiday food season, and I figured it might be helpful to prepare for all the treats. If I allow myself a cheat/treat day, I tend to behave myself better through out the week while I’m on a “strict” meal plan. I was in the shower the other day, thinking about the Great Depression days and how sugar was a real treat. Yes, my sugar addiction goes so deep that I think about sugar in the shower. Cakes weren’t something you’d just go to any grocery store and pick one up. Ice cream wasn’t a whole section of 20 bazillion different flavors. You baked them. You stuck them in the fancy ice cream maker and waited patiently to have some. It was really a TREAT. And now… Sugar is everywhere! It’s in ketchup, salad dressing, milk, and you can buy a candy bar, or baked goods, just about anywhere. It’s hard to avoid, and it definitely makes only having one day a week of cheating seem rough.
In general, I eat pretty clean. I like my veggies, I love my fruit, and I don’t go out to eat as often as I’d like to. That being said, it doesn’t take much to go over in calories. I learned a long time ago that it takes me 10 minutes on the rowing machine to burn off one fun size Reeses peanut butter cup, in case you’re wondering that’s 110 calories. I’ll be honest, it’s no thing for me to want to eat two and still want something else. I don’t count calories religiously, but I try to pay attention and reason with my sweet tooth about which I’d rather have. I could have a chocolate bar, or I could have a yummy cup of tea that satisfies my sweet tooth. I could have Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia (vegan of course), or I could have some unsweetened yogurt topped with fruit and nuts. The reality of the question I ask myself is, do I want the instant gratification of this chocolate, or do I want the delayed one of a lower body fat percentage? I wish I could say the latter always wins, but it doesn’t. So I continue to load myself up with tools to do better, or cheat better.
What is a cheat day?
If you’ve been in the health/fitness world for a while you probably already know what I’m talking about. I’d never heard of it until 2015 when I started following a meal plan. A cheat day is basically a day that you allow yourself to be a little relaxed. It’s okay to have dessert, or a meal that you don’t believe is the healthiest.
My cheat day is usually Saturday or Sunday. If I plan to go to the beach, I make that day my cheat day. If I know there’s a birthday party, I make that the day.
Cheat days can be dangerous for me. I HAVE to make a plan. If I just allow myself to be flexible with my food ALL day, I end up having waffles for breakfast, greasy tacos for lunch, and cake for dinner (only 3 slices). Then the next day, I crave all the salty, or sugary junk, all over again. Sometimes I have to go cold turkey, no sugar because a cheat day will throw me completely off and I’ll lose the eating good battle. What I’m getting at here is you’ve got to figure out what works for you.
Cheat/Treat Tips
- Make a plan – If you’re cheat day is Saturday, that’s the day. If you’re planning a meal, only have the meal. If you’re planning a whole day of less restriction, stick with that, but don’t over do it.
- Be strategic – If you know that your cheat meal is going to be a creamy Alfredo with garlic bread, put those carbs to use the day before you have a heavy workout.
- Portion control – Most restaurants serve large portions. Instead of eating the whole meal, try sharing with your date. Think Lady and the Tramp, spaghetti noodle romance. Lol! If you don’t have a date, ask for a box and save the other half for tomorrow.
- Limit sugar – Avoid the sugary drinks, soda and foo-foo coffees can sometimes equate to a whole meal’s calorie count. Unless that white chocolate peppermint mocha chip frappuchino is your most favorite thing in the world, it probably won’t satisfy your craving like something more solid would. (I’m pretty sure that’s why I weighed an extra 10 pounds back in the day.)
- Satisfaction – Find the thing that satisfies that sweet tooth, if you’re a bread person and that’s what you’ve been craving, have that. Once you’ve been satisfied, you shouldn’t need anything else.
Did you know that your first bite of food gives the most enjoyment and last bite determines your overall satisfaction?
Need more?
There are a couple other things that help me push through the week. When are my cravings, and what can I have instead?
Night time is typically when I want to snack. I want a little goodie when I’m all mellowed out for the day. If I’m really struggling with wanting something sweet it helps me to have my protein shake, or a smoothie, at night. Instead of having it after my workout, sometimes I’ll save it for the evening. I usually doctor mine up with half a banana and some peanut butter. If you blend it with a little ice, it’s almost like a chocolate peanut butter shake. It helps me to kill that sugar craving, and it’s healthy for me. Yes, it’s better to have an easily digestible form of protein after your workout. If you are consistently meeting your protein intake daily, your body already has the building blocks it needs in your system already.
I’ve been on the hunt for “desserts” that are way better for me than those peanut butter cups. Fruit is a big one for me but that’s not the only fix. I’ve made healthy banana splits, healthier peanut butter cookies, and a peanut butter dip that is delicious on fruit. Those are all “treats” that help me get past the sweet tooth. Find healthy options that don’t make you think you’re eating healthy.
Don’t beat yourself up!
Life is crazy sometimes and I have to remember to allow myself a little grace. It’s okay to have a little extra sometimes. Just focus on doing better with each choice you make. If all you can do is focus on eating right and not enjoy some of the smaller things, that makes being so strict with a diet even more difficult.
Creatine!!!
A while back, I decided to do a 12 week program focusing on preparing for a pretend physique show because I want to learn. When I learn, I like to share because it helps me remember. I had looked up creatine and many other performance …
Broccoli Cheeze Soup
The rainy season is here, that means it’s time for soup! Featuring my favorite veggie of course. 😉
Everybody was WILDFIRE fighting…
Okay, maybe not everybody is doing it, but I am getting ready to start my first season. To say I’m a little excited is an understatement. It’s going to be REALLY hard work. Long, hot days. I’m going to stink like a sweaty camp sock, and I’m going to get to hike to work EVERY DAY! Plus, I’ll be helping one of my favorite places, the wilderness. I’ll also be helping keep fire from spreading into communities. (If you haven’t watched the Paradise Fire documentary on Netflix, I highly recommend it.) It won’t be easy, but it will be way more rewarding than slinging drinks!
I want to give all you worriers out there a little peace of mind. The BIGGEST thing stressed during training was safety. Having more than one escape route is huge. Also, having a fire shelter and knowing where to deploy it was too. My crew boss has been fighting fire for over 20 years and hasn’t had to deploy his fire shelter. The most common cause of death fighting wildfire between 1998 and 2006 was heart attacks, with vehicle accidents coming in second. That made me feel a lot better knowing that the likelihood of me dying, yes I’m a worrier too, is pretty low. Check out the video at the bottom to learn about fire shelters, it is the actual training video I watched in my class. Fire shelters are a little scary and a little cool all at once.
Some of you got to follow my adventures on the John Muir Trail in 2018 and that trip helped shape me into the crazy person that I am now. I got a Garmin Inreach+ to be able to track my location on that trip and I’m excited to use it to map my travels this summer. If you’d like to follow along and see where I’m out fighting fire, just click HERE and it will take you to my map. I’ll only have it turned on when I’m working, so if you don’t seen any activity, I’m not there yet.
I don’t know when I will be called out to go, but I’m sure it will happen any day now because the temperatures are rising and humidity is getting lower. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions, if not, I’d love your prayers. ❤️
My Vaycay in Turks and Caicos
Before this year, I’d never heard of Turks and Caicos. But I gotta say, I’m glad I was able to go!