Life transitions. Birthdays. Break-ups. New connections. Adventures. Life plans. Who tf knows?!? Anything is possible. … Not unhappily, but not fully either, like living in a house where the lights worked, but only in certain rooms. @thesenseswefeel I saw that quoted on someone else’s social …
Self care was weak this month… I did get a few things right though. My music theory is on point! Wanna know what it is??? I’ll share it below, with a link to my new fave playlist even. 😘 Really though, I didn’t do a …
Three months down. The majority of what I’ve heard is right, things are feeling better. The feeling of my heart falling out of my chest has gone, sadness still has moments, but on the lower percentage of things. I’m seeing more light than dark. That’s victory. That’s me. I AM a happy person. I AM what I choose to be. I AM a super fun chick. I AM proud of me.
This month has seen a lot of growth. My biggest take away has been to continue practicing gratitude! I’ve been writing down 10 things I am grateful for, not every day, but consistently. Making myself find the good in my day helps me acknowledge how much good there really is. Money hound media and politics wants us to believe otherwise. Is there bad stuff out there? Absolutely. Can I change it? Probably not. Does dwelling on what I cannot change help me? No…
Family is who you let into your life, and as hard as it is being the outsider coming in, these people are pretty special. Navigating learning their personalities is full of challenges. Especially with teenagers. They are still trying to figure out who they are, just like I am. Just loving them where they are is all I can do. Just the same as I am doing myself.
Flow night is tomorrow, do I want to stay that late? I find joy in the flow but need to continue getting more comfy with convos with new people. It’s hard to let go of my reserve. I know people enjoy me as myself. #ownthatsheeeeee
A-B-C Loop ____ How to influence when you’ve had a negative impact on your relationship….
A – Apologize, then ask open ended questions.
B – Back off and observe their behavior
C – CELEBRATE – good times, come on… Sorry my add has a tendency to fill songs in with lyrics and melodies… Celebrate any progress you see.
When you’ve tried influencing a person you love to change towards healthy habits, and become a nagging person, you’ve killed any desire for them to change. It’s imperative that you wait 3-6 months for the tension to settle. (Okay, my brain probably went the same place as yours. At least THREE months to get over a break up. Any whoooo…) Boom! The victory comes in the celebrating of the positive.
Not journal note: If you’ve got a partner who is adamant that your habits are shitty(or maybe you’re that pattern), PLEASE, refer them to the ABC loop and how it can help you settle from your trauma response. We’ve all got blocks when our partner asks us for things repetitively. I know first hand, it’s hard to be asked for something that meets our own need, but also is a HUGE need for our partner, when our HUGE needs are neglected. Dropping the subject and working on the connection, or whatever else is needed, is so important. <—- There may have been some wine involved with this thought but I’m gonna leave it.
Two days in a row, the end is a new beginning, has come into my existence. I have to say that the beginning of Jason and I has been pretty incredible. Yesterday, we had a sort of preventative therapy session. Hearing his therapist say that he’s a partner was pretty damn exciting. Feels like that was a green light for me to let my heart soar with him. 💕 There is still stressful stuff to talk about. Parenting type things, finances, partying… I don’t doubt that the communication will be good. He makes my silly heart pitter patter.
Today started out tough. I planned to go to visit Paige tomorrow because it sounded like her day would already be busy… Troy called to tell me that they were going to do the gender reveal at dinner and it hurt my feelings that I wasn’t in the know. Turned out to be a very last minute decision and Paige didn’t feel like she was worth me driving up twice to celebrate her. 🙁 That broke my heart a little bit, okay, a lot! After my initial hurt, I ended up deciding to come out and I’m glad I did. New baby is a boy… darn… but also I can’t wait to meet him.
But the thing that felt good was I intentionally didn’t sit by Troy and it seemed to bother him at first. It was good to put distance there. I get that I’ve been his comfort, just like he’s been mine for all these years in social gatherings. We both need to learn to be okay at family stuff without each other. I was able to make a joke and it lessened the awkward feeling. Driving home I felt a little sad about the family disconnect, but Jason was his normal sainthood and helped me feel okay. I love his big heart and how understanding he is through all of this stuff.
I got to his house, he made me a drink, and gave me a massage. It’s weird to think about long term, but he makes me think about the possibility again. <3
I had a realization about Troy and Jason today. When Troy and I had separated before, he missed me around the 3 month mark and came back. I was thinking about what if that happened again… I had broken things off with a guy I was seeing and went back. I feel firm knowing that I wouldn’t go back again. 💪🏻
The small amount of time that I’ve spent with Jason has made me realize how much I was missing out on. Connection is super important for me emotionally but also sexually. I require minimal time to even want it. I love that Jason makes me a priority, and that he expresses his feelings. I don’t want to ever feel unvalued because of other people or things again.
I think I’m ready for the divorce… Then I think I’m not. Feelings are dumb… 03.17.2025
BOOM! It’s the story!!!
Today I went snowboarding. Being in nature always makes me reflect on my life. Everything seems so conflicting. I’m not even sure how to put it in words yet.
I ended up listening to videos my therapist sent while driving up and back. I gotta say DAMN! It’s not that I’m attached to Troy… It’s the story. Our life, our family, the past, the end of a future. I’ve heard that different ways, but hearing Aaron Doughty talk about being able to throw a pen away isn’t a big deal. When you add that the pen was given to you by your grandma, you’ve had it since you were three, and now she’s passed… It’s harder to toss. Because you’re attached to the sentiment, the story you’ve attached to the pen… That really helped me today.
Last night was flow night. I enjoyed seeing people I know. It feels like I’m starting to make my own connections and I enjoy that. I like spending time with people who enjoy me for me, not because I’m with someone else. The struggle is that I wish some of them were female…
Confidence = Trust In Self 03.22.2025
I used to think confidence was a way you portrayed yourself to others. Hearing it as trusting yourself makes me feel so much differently about it. Makes me sad actually. My self trust is so diminished, I don’t even know where to begin with that. How do I make myself believe I am capable of all the things I desire?
It might be small steps? Make small steps and gain victory over my self doubt. I think school will be good for me. Fire will definitely be good too. Tough and shitty situations tend to make me feel strong.
It’s also pretty amazing what surrounding yourself with amazing people can do. People who see and believe in me are pretty special. It’ so hard to cut out the toxic ones when you have so much love for them. But it’s something to be done.
I did the cord cutting ceremony and it’s crazy how disconnected I feel now. Like a weight has been lifted. I can’t wait to continue this progress with my life and mental health. (Be on the lookout for a post on how I did mine, if you’d like to cut the cords from your ex too.)
03.25.2025 On a “family” road trip for spring break, and asked the whole crew to participate.
1. Music 2. Clean H20 3. Veggies – K
1. Family 2. Extended Family 3. Food/shelter – M
1. Employment 2. Paid Vacation 3. Darci saying she’d take a DJ lesson – J
1. Blue skies 2. Fun Rides 3. Veggies 4. Bitchin Sauce 5. Leo Pictures 6. Jason 7. Swimming Pools 8. Cozy Jammies 9. Hot showers 10. Safe travels ❤️ Me
This book. Sometimes you listen to something once and get a shit ton of stuff from it. Then you listen again, and BOOM, MIND BLOWN! Victim is an easy mindset to be in and learning to be a creator of your experience, is hard AF. I listened to this a second time. Also started another book, but I’ll get to that one next month. It’s so easy to allow others to have such a handle on how life is and hard to accept that we are actually the ones in control. Coming from a “victim” of domestic violence and a victim of many other things, this came as a hard realization. Is there risk to standing up and doing what you want? Yes. But would you rather live in that shit show, or move forward and chase after the life you want? I want the latter. I want to live and move towards only the things that I find of value. I want to love and be loved in the purest form. Does that mean divorce is a sin? Maybe. But NO God I’ve ever know has wanted any of his creations to suffer at the hands of another. SO, FUCK YEAH, I’ve got this, and so do you. (Side note: If you are in a sketchy situation, there are SO many places that will help you. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends, or community for a handout. We all need help sometimes, and it’s okay to ask for it.)
Now go find your power as a creator!
My therapist put me onto this guy… Aaron Doughty. To say I’ve gone off the deep end is probably an understatement… Learning to accept and embrace my Higher Self, has been informative. I don’t want to operate as a victim, and I sure as heck don’t want to operate at a low frequency. High vibration here I come.
This video has the story about the pen. It starts at 11:26 minutes, but I’d like to encourage you to watch the whole video.
Springs is on its way here and I am excited for the flowers to bloom, to get back to work, and to keep moving forward. If you have a moment to comment below, I’d love to hear things that helped you from my last few posts, and things you are personally excited for coming up!
Gratitude 🫶🏻
Darci
Every month seems to add a bit of growth. I met someone last month and this month, it’s kinda blown my mind how much fun I’ve had relearning my value. Guilt is a terrible thing and feeling ashamed of my actions led me to a …
… 2025 …Pause. Reflect. Act. I have the choice. Feelings that come and go, are no longer allowed to be the leader of my life.
Okay, maybe not fuck it. Was it all bad? Not at all. The year sure ended with a bang for me. Let’s be honest with each other, huh?
Sometimes it takes crap happening to make us realize that change is needed. I’ve been stuck in a loop of terrible behaviors for as long as I can remember. I’ve been trying to heal my abandonment wound with people, and yet I’ve been so afraid of connecting, that I have hurt people I greatly care about. I’ve recently been on the hunt for tools to help me move forward, get out of my shame, and live a newer better lifestyle. THERAPY here I come, time to dig deep, and share what I’m learning because teaching always helps me to hammer it into my thick skull!
What has stemmed this quest for change? Divorce. Was my marriage happy? Perfect? What I truly desired? No. Was it his fault? Was it mine? Yes, and yes. Both of us had our faults, and both of us are desiring to grow. We both care about each other, and we both want to see friendship as a possibility. Right now though, it’s about healing. We all have things that we wish we could sweep under a rug and forget about, but I’m learning that’s not the way. Sometimes that feels more overwhelming than I can even explain, it’s like my whole world has exploded and I can’t see the light to get out of the cave. Is it safe to think in ultimates? No, so I’ll just keep trucking along, focusing on the now, and the things I am in control of. Focusing on making the baby steps that help me to find change.
Youtube, a therapist, self reflection, my psychological astrological profile, books, a hypnotist, chakra work, journaling, positive affirmations, even jokes… How do I know which thing is working? I might not know which contributes, but it all has possibilities for improvement. If it’s the accumulation of things, or even one of those things working, I’m finding joy in the process of learning. That’s enough reward for me.
Psychology Based
Inspiring
I found The Let Them Theory created by Mel Robbins, and she has been pretty amazing aside from just advice on getting over a breakup. I can’t wait to start listening to the book next. This VIDEO kinda gives the gist of theory, kinda long, but if you have the patience I recommend it. Otherwise, look at her shorts. SO GOOD!
Sleep Hypnosis
I usually type in self love, trauma healing, positive thinking, heal a broken heart, abandonment issues…. along with sleep hypnosis.
Something I’ve learned is that the intention you go to sleep with will set your mind off on a path for your subconscious to follow. I struggle to stay optimistic, and going to bed on a negative, or sadness, helps me stay in that pattern. I’ve started listening to different sleep “hypnosis” videos to sleep. I’m not sure if it is actually contributing, but it doesn’t seem to be hurting.
Positive Affirmations
I try to wake with positive influence. That means NOOOOO social media till I’m out of bed and found joy in my morning. I like listening to positive affirmations while I get ready, but also enjoy them when I’m going to bed.
It’s easy to get stuck ruminating on what could have been, or what I should have done differently. That kind of worry doesn’t bring progress. It only brings more sadness and less joy. This book is really helping me to see that life is NOW. It’s the time to focus on because that is what we can work on.
What better way to heal than finding the funny stuffs?
Why do women fart after they go pee? Because they can’t shake it, so they have to blow dry…
You’re welcome for that.
Seven years ago I hopped on the “I wanna be a badass” train. I focused heavily on exercise, eating healthy, drinking water, and avoiding just about anything that caused my body harm. Well, last year was a doozy, and for the first time I found …
You guys know I’m a sugar junkie. I love it ALL. It’s now holiday food season, and I figured it might be helpful to prepare for all the treats. If I allow myself a cheat/treat day, I tend to behave myself better through out the …
A while back, I decided to do a 12 week program focusing on preparing for a pretend physique show because I want to learn. When I learn, I like to share because it helps me remember. I had looked up creatine and many other performance products before and conveniently forgot what I learned. I decided to do a little refreshing of my memory on creatine, and plan to do some digging on BCAAs later. I hope that this post helps you decide whether you want to use creatine as a supplement in your nutrition plan.
Creatine is produced in our body using the amino acids glycine and arginine. You can find glycine in beans, asparagus, and of course spinach, Popeye! Arginine can be found in nuts and seeds, beans, and seaweed. If you are eating meats, you are getting creatine from what the animal produced.
Creatine helps your body generate adenosine triphosphate (ATP, an energy storage and transfer unit) from adenosine diphosophate (ADP, a high energy compound found in cells) to help maintain high intensity exercise for about 10 seconds.
Using creatine in supplement form with a strength building program has shown to increase muscle strength and mass, along with anaerobic performance. Anaerobic activity is an exercise that doesn’t use oxygen as it’s energy source, something with short bursts, like weight lifting or sprints. Studies have shown a 1-2% increase in strength or speed while taking creatine and using the appropriate training. Like any other sports nutrition supplement, you have to put in the work to see the results too. Men tend to see better results with creatine than women. Also, people who aren’t eating meat tend to have a greater response to creatine supplementation.
When taking creatine they recommend that you take a dose of around 20g a day to help build up the supply in your body. After a week of build up, they recommend the dosing to be between 2-5g a day. The first week of taking creatine may cause 4-5 pounds of weight gain. That is the result of water build up in the muscles. After that initial week is when it levels out and you, hopefully, start seeing the results you are aiming for. Taking creatine paired with carbohydrates enhances the uptake of creatine, like pairing iron with vitamin c, they work better together.
It’s not known what the long term side effects of using creatine are. Some people complain of headaches, abdominal cramps, and muscle cramps while using creatine. Taking the regular dose of 2-5g can also result in a urinary concentration 90% higher than normal, which could mean damage to the kidneys if used long term. It is recommended that anyone with kidney problems should take creatine after speaking with a doctor.
After becoming informed, again, I decided to use creatine through my 12 week program. I can’t say that I saw significant results from using the creatine, but it definitely made my bladder more active. Diabetes runs in my family, and due to the possibility of kidney issues, I don’t want to push my luck using it long term, if at all anymore. BUT, you do you boo! <3
The rainy season is here, that means it’s time for soup! Featuring my favorite veggie of course. 😉