FOMO
Okay, hear me out. I know it’s easy to get wrapped up in what everyone else is doing, and wishing we were there, or wishing we weren’t where we are. But why?
Author: Darci
Finding Stillness
It’s easy to lose ourselves in the busy. Costa Rica time may be different than real world time, but it’s still important to find still moments.
Everywhere the light touches is our home.
Something that has been popping up for me this month has been how beautiful it is here, in Costa Rica. It’s been almost three weeks, and I’m realizing that while I’m on vacation, the life I’m living here can really be lived anywhere. Maybe I can’t go walk out in Wyoming in my bikini every morning, but I can put on my long johns and go for a walk in the mountains… I can choose joy.
Perspective is everything.
Sunshine and sand sure feel inviting. What about the quiet in the woods, when the snowflakes float peacefully to the ground? I know that seasonal depression is a real thing, it’s a thing that I struggle with. Honestly, I hope that every year I’ll be able to have a tropical reset like this one. A lot of the habits that have been present on this trip, are ones that I know help keep me sane during the sad season.
I saw a post recently where a dad stated that he never complains about the weather. Him and his kids go out in all of the weather. If I wake up and look at the weather, and it’s raining, I’m a lot less likely to go outdoors. If it’s windy, same. If it’s freezing, again, likely to stay snuggled up in my sweat pants and a cozy blanket. Why? Is my life goal to be on my phone seeing others live their lives? No. I want to see, and live all the things. Why do I let a little discomfort dictate that? Yesterday was a sweltering one. I almost stayed in and missed snorkeling. I chose to go instead, and I was rewarded by seeing three creatures I hadn’t seen yet while doing so. Did I get a little sun burnt, yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I chose to be uncomfortable, but I chose to live.
I forget how easy it is to pack a thermos. How easy it is to bundle up, or throw on some rain gear and gloves. Shoot, there are even heated vests and things now that are cheaper than a bottle of tequila…
Break the comfort bubble already.
It’s easy to let our patterns lead our life. We continuously cycle back around to the things we know, even if they aren’t really what we want. Looking back at my life, it seems like I’ve learned this lesson a thousand times. In 2014, I completed my first Spartan Race. My biggest takeaway from that was getting through the uncomfortable makes the other hard things seem to be easier to get through. There is almost always something brighter at the end of the tunnel, you just have to be willing to look for it. Here I am in 2026, realizing the same ish again. All the crummy stuff I’ve been through led me to this place, and I have to say I’m happier than I’ve been in a very, very, long time.
I’m going to continue soaking up the rest of my time here, maybe with a little extra sunscreen today, but I’m excited to get home and continue living my life how I want it lived.
How about you? How do you want to live your life?
The Twelfth Month .2025.
The last month of this year was pretty great. I can’t help but wonder if anyone else is feeling like 2026 is going to be the best year yet???
November .2025.
The Month of Thanks This is always a month of gratitude practice in the world. I think that’s pretty great. How perfect is it to encourage focusing on the good things in our lives, especially in the season that usually sparks depression in the world. …
October 2025
October has always been a month that seems to fly by because it’s been a month full of things that bring me joy. My son was born October 5th, and of course Halloween. This year, the 13th, which should have been my anniversary, was a reminder that my marriage had failed. To be honest, I really thought it would be a hard day, and it wasn’t. The work I’ve put in this year has helped me to think more rationally, and the life I’m living now feels like it’s the one I was supposed to be living. It’s definitely the one I want to live.
I’ve been journaling consistently for over ten months now. Sharing my entries and things I’ve learned about myself for this last period of time has been good for me. It’s helped me to process some of my shitty patterns, helped me to let go of things I don’t want in my life, and helped me to see the light that shines in it too. I’ve been sharing a lot about my daily gratitude practice and while I want to share that still, but I’m going to change it up a smidge. I am going to reflect on my entries and find the light in them now, looking back. It’s gotten easier for me to see joy in the moments, but it’s still a bad habit to reflect back and be a pessimist feeling like it’s “always” awful. I know that ultimates aren’t real, but my irrational subconscious brain likes to tell me otherwise. Thank you trauma! I want this to be your reminder that if you have failed moments, you still are making progress, just like I am. We’ve got this!
🖤The 2nd of October🖤 <- That’s how I doodled it in my journal
Ian got his elk today. The stress getting there is gone but now there is the new stress of what is next? We have to go back and tear down camp and soon it will be just Rick and I at home again. I am happy for that, I like our little bubble. It has been good to meet parts of his family and I can’t wait for him to meet mine. It has been good to see the rough spots and to also see the love he carries for more than just himself.
Today I asked my boss if I could hang some of my photos to sell in the restaurant and he said yes! I am excited to dig into that a bit once Ian goes home.
Also today, I reached out to Troy and set up some new boundaries that I believe are important for closure, or even just moving forward. We are both ready to finalize the divorce. It makes me sad to see a chapter close but also joyful to know nothing will be holding me back from this new one.
[Reflection]
SOOOO much goodness, I saw so much positivity here. Only blimps of sadness, which shows me growth. It shows me that if I dig into it, the light shines brighter than the darkness.
The 3rd and 4th
The good bullet points The bad ones
- Packed out elk camp with the horses – Packing out with backpacks on horseback is hard
- Got to do that with my Lovey – I’m sad the horses are leaving soon
- I enjoy being helpful – Double shifts are hard
- Rick is such a helpful loving human – The short road home was closed
- The horses were champions
- We made it down from elk camp
- I am attached to the big pasture puppies
- Brunch was steady
- Waited on a lot of big groups
- I’m starting to find my rhythm behind the bar
- Waited on a lot of fun people
[Reflection]
Sad feelings are hard, and negative thoughts/feelings can blind us from all the good. That’s why I learned with each negative thought should be countered by at least five positive ones. It helps to train our brain to look for the good.
James’ 20th Birthday – 10.05
It feels hard to be away from him, especially after last year’s fail. It helped to have Ian ask for pancakes today. I enjoy doing Mom stuff. It makes me sad to have missed out on so much of the last bit of time James lived at home. Acts of service are my fave way to share love.
[Reflection]
It doesn’t matter if it’s been a year, or twenty, Mom guilt is a thing that seems to always be a sensitive spot. Hindsight is 2020, seems to be a common theme in my life. I’m guessing it’s also something that presents in yours. The thing that never ceases to amaze me is social media, there is ALWAYS a video that shows you a better way to do things. I hope that my children aren’t offended with the insight I share from them. I wish I knew the things I know now, but I was working with what I knew then, and can only hope that they have learned from my mistakes.
October 13th…
Yesterday was a good day for me. I finally logged my August blog post, even got most of my September post done. I realized that I want to start doing a monthly intention or goal. This month is half way over but I want the intention to be focus on my creative goals. I want to have my photos hung up at Trailhead by the end of the month. Yesterday I got eight prints ordered, four are 14×11 and four are 8×8. It felt good to just do it. Rick helped me by picking his faves and then I picked some of mine. My favorite photos are of him, but I’m not printing those. I want to start figuring out more creative ways to embellish my photos so they stand out in a crowd. I also need to start working on a bio to hang with my photos. It feels good to have support, but also to receive positive feedback on some of the photos I’ve share on my social media lately.
[Reflection]
#avoidant I did everything I could to stay busy that day. Btw my therapist said I have a disorganized attachment. I’m a little anxious and avoidant depending on the circumstances. Which I totally agree on. It’s always been easier, not better for me, to avoid the hard shit. I have learned that sometimes you’ve gotta feel the feelings. If you just keep covering them up, they eventually boil over and fuck everything up. So, I felt them, I just didn’t talk about it. I tried to keep the focus on what was shiny in my life. Let me tell you, my life is shiny AF right now. Wanna know why??? Cause I communicate the things that are connected to feels. It is super hard, but being in a safe place, helps that.
Deer Hunting Opening Day… 10.15
Woke up to lots & lots of fog! Didn’t, and couldn’t see any deer, until almost 9am and it was on our way back to camp. Saw a descent buck, but I was ready for breakfast.
Ended up going out again and found the same buck. Rick took a shot, even though he thought he’d miss. We continued following them and he took another try but missed. Took that as his sign that the buck wasn’t the one. I got a lot of great photos. I’m excited to see them edited. 🙂
[Reflection]
Sometimes the shit teaches patience for the good. Yeah, I could expand on that, but I think that’s enough.
October 20th
The last couple of days were pretty rough. Saturday we both got upset and could only text, and that made it exponentially worse. Plus I started shark week, which means I’m less rational. Yesterday I was sure I’d be going back to Oregon. Then we both went to the gym and decompressed a little bit. We ended up going to the corn maze and played some kiddie games. We also got pumpkins to carve. I truly do love him. I also love that I bring out a side of him that no one else does. We really do compliment each other. I do believe that we need to learn how to manage the anxiety of our past relationships that makes our time separate a little nerve wracking…
[Reflection]
Your current relationship, is not your past relationships. Also, texting, is NOT actual communication. I already learned that, but old habits die hard when you’re in a triggered response. Emojis are not enough to match tone or facial expressions in conversation. Period.
October 23rd
Well fuck, back to the mushy stuff…
Sometimes the puzzle pieces fit magically, today feels like one of those days. Time at the gym with my lovey felt great, even though I had crummy sleep. Then work started slow and I may have dreaded the day, but it ended great. Had an awesome salad for dinner and even got to enjoy putting together my costume for Saturday. Maddie asked me to take photos of her and her guy this Sunday, which I’m excited to be able to have fun and learn with that. I even got my photography bio prints in the mail. I’ll probably take them to hang up tomorrow. PLUS there is an aerial silks class at the new gym on Mondays. Life feels REALLY DANG GOOD 🤍🤍🤍
🤍Don’t give up now, chances are your best kiss, your hardest laugh, and your greatest day are yet to come. 🤍 Love Her Wild, Atticus, page 196
[Reflection]
Stuff happens, it’s how you choose to respond to said stuff. Looking back at this month has made me realize that literally one out of 31 days was in conflict, not the dangerous kind. Those are really good odds. I’ll take one day out of thirty one. I guess, I should say that sometimes a boundary is broken that requires a huge decision. For instance, back in the day, all it took was one physical action to make me realize that I deserved better. If you are in a position where someone is hurting you, get the fuck out. Love doesn’t hurt. Not like that.
October 27th
Friday we hung up my photos at the Colonel, which is the music venue connected to the Trailhead. Saturday we dressed up and went to a costume party. I painted Rick’s face and he was such a good wolf. I love feeling like I’m the only person in the room when we are together. He activates my mind and body on so many levels. Sunday was spent mostly lazy due to feeling hungover… I ended up taking Maddie’s family pictures in the evening tho. I’m really glad I did too.
[Reflection]
Alcohol… It has moments that are fun, but it also usually means the next day isn’t so fun. It can even throw off a whole week for me. I need to remember that. I need to remember that if I am going to drink, I need to focus on maintaining other good habits. Eating less junk, drinking more water, staying active, you know the good stuff. Oh and positive thinking…
October 30th
I’m trying to get back into healthier habits. The season change and time away from my kiddos has been tough. I miss them a lot. A James hug sounds pretty good right now. He’s always the best hugger. I really hope that Damien’s baby is born by xmas so we get to meet her before our trip. I’m not sure how to process loving being here and also missing them. I know it’s not reasonable to think I’d see them all the time if I lived there, but I would likely see them more than I do now.
[Reflection]
I believe the way to mend the missing my kids and loving it here is to talk to them more. Making the time to text, ask questions, call, anything really is better than nothing. Sitting and thinking about missing them doesn’t help, but hearing their voices, or even getting pictures of them and their littles is a huge win. Action does a lot more for me than that crummy sad thought loop.
END OF THE MONTH…
October really opened my eyes to how much being intentional is needed for me. If I don’t have a plan, I fail. It doesn’t have to be a fully detailed execution list, but having one attainable piece laid out as a goal. That got me there and there sure as hell was a lot of fun mixed in between. Thinking and living in ultimates is a very closed minded way to be. Sometimes stepping outside of that brings the best changes. It sure helps to have a great support network.
The Hunter’s Month – September 2025
Two months in Wyoming, and here comes the real test… Rick is headed to elk camp, for the month. Holy fuck nugget! Thank goodness for Starlink. 😅 I decided to put my gratitude with every post because I had a lot of hard feeling this …
August 2025
Okay, what the heck??? We are already in the eighth month of the year and I’m not sure how to feel about it. It seems as though life has evolved so significantly in the last bit of time that it seems unrecognizable to what it …
July .2025.
I was supposed to be out fighting fire, but life had different plans…
July 1st
If I don’t get called out to a fire in two weeks, I might just pack up and go there before October… It might be wreckless but… I’d rather go and get a seasonal job there, and start feeling at home.
Spoiler alert! I missed a call out July 3rd because I was so exhausted working on yard stuff that I went to bed early and was OUT cold! After that… My heart hated missing spending the 4th away from Rick, and I decided that on the 12th I’d send it if I didn’t get called again. Sooo….
July 6th
Woke up awake and ready for the day 🙂 Started it by walking Star and then went on a hike with my Mom and Mark. It was pretty out there. Got back and decided to go to the river, I may have gotten a little sun burnt… Decision made. I’m going to send it to Rick’s. Tomorrow I’m going to visit the kids, and Tuesday I’ll start driving to his place. (Note: I had to wait until Saturday, worth it tho, my car needed some extra work done.) Eek!! I’m so excited to be there with him. My family has shared mixed emotions about it, happiness for me, but also apprehension because I haven’t known him that long.
Rick is adorable, already cleaned out closet space for me <3 I really hope this is’t just love bombing before the storm. Worst case, it’s another life lesson. I’d rather try than have missed out on the possibility of something special. I really think it is something special.
July 9th
I didn’t journal on this day but I wanted to document how fun it was to get to take photos of a friend and their band. I would LOVE to do more of this kind of photography. Putting it out there for the universe 🙂 Also, anyone have any recommendations on where to sell my photography???
Their band is Alien Upgrade, if you wanna check them out.
July 14th < Day 1 Wyoming Life >
Gratitude: Home 💕, Snuggles, Music, Empty car, Coffee, Star loving it here, Cozy spaces, Unpacking, Watching 💗 shoot his bow, Sunrises.
Not gonna lie, I do have a little anxiety being in his space. I just want him comfortable, I don’t want him to feel like I’ve taken over his sanctuary. I’m trying to be quick about putting my things away so that all of my “stuff” doesn’t feel overwhelming. Kind of makes me grateful I didn’t get to bring ALL of my stuff yet. Ha! I love that I asked for his help taking off the roof cargo carrier and he did it right away. Also that he checked the code for my check engine light right out the gate. Feels good to be taken care of and to have my safety be an importance too. Definitely feeling the love.
Feels weird to have a home space after not having one for the last 6 months but I’m sure I’ll settle in quickly. Kind of excited to start looking for a job here and to start meeting people so that I make sure he still has space for quiet too. It’s been a long time since he’s had someone living with him…
July 19th
♥️ 10.5 Mile Hike ♥️
We went and car camped and then hiked out to where his son is doing his elk hunt. I am so at peace with Rick. So much joy in the small moments together. Even just walking in nature. His ability to be silly and lighten the mood when we are both tired of hiking and the never ending wind, swoon.
After our hike Demolition Derby time. I love that he wants to do fun things like that with me. The cherry on top, driving home, he remembered I wanted a photo of the Wyoming sign. Plus gave Star a big ol’ piece of string cheese for her 15th birthday.
July 29th
Ok, I know you’re tired of my mushy af stuff… BUT I wanted to share this date because I had an amazing weekend, camping and scouting elkies with Rick, and took some photos that I love. Also, I want to share an important feeling I had…
HOME ♥️ It feels good to say it and actually believe I am here. The center I feel being with Rick matches the feeling I have sitting out in nature. The feeling I have when I’m dancing and feeling in the flow state. How I feel balls deep in the process of a painting or creative project. It’s not just a dopamine hit, it’s true satisfaction. True calm and safety.
I can’t say that it’s back to regular programming, because there’s more mushy stuff in the next journal update… So enjoy some photos first.
July 30th
The first time in forever that I actually thought about having another human in my FB profile photo… That was kind of a weird epiphany for me today. I think that really showcases the comfort I have in this relationship. Maybe even my commitment to it. I really feel like I can be a girl. Still strong and able to do tough stuff, but able to release control and believe that he will take care of what he says. Trust! I love his handle the business personality. I also love that I asked him to take Star to the vet for me and he didn’t object or make me feel like I was inconveniencing him. It feels good to enjoy all of him. I’m hooked, with a treble hook as he would say. <3
Back to the WORK
Reading
I was recommended this book by two different people and while I’m still working my way thru reading it… Boom game changer! It’s making me question so many things: how I think, act, and feel; and how those things affect my current and future existence.
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza
The mind is a powerful thing and if we are feeding it crap, or allowing our emotions to dictate our actions, it controls all the outcomes. A study took place at the HeartMath Research Center in California. They research the physiology of emotions, heart-brain interactions, and much more. They found a link between how our heart beats during different emotions. “When we have negative emotions (such as anger and fear), our heart rhythms become erratic and disorganized. In contrast, positive emotions (love and joy, for instance) produce highly ordered, coherent patterns that HeartMath researchers refer to as heart coherence.” If our feelings control how our heart beats, can you imagine what else our brain can do???
In the book, one quote that spoke out to me was: “You cannot walk through the door into the quantum field as a ‘somebody’; you must enter as a ‘no body.'” Change happens by being humble and adjusting your process. Have you ever heard of the plant experiment? The gist of it, it’s an experiment where they take two plants in the same living conditions, but have people saying loving things to one plant, and hateful things to the other. The plant who was fed positivity thrived, while the other, not so much. I have always known that there is power in words, but never realized how much thinking affects all of that too.
Warning: when feelings become the means of thinking, or if we cannot think greater than how we feel, we can never change. 🤯
I have literally taken a photo from the pages each time I’ve read this book because something each time makes my mind explode. I can’t wait to share more about it with you next month. I also can’t wait to continue learning thought principles and behaviors to better my life.
Worthy of Following
Not an Influencer… Well he might be.
Confession… Sometimes I’m guilty of seeing reels on IG, or other social media places, and believing the propaganda. Especially since I’m feeling a huge desire to improve my relationships with people, and also have the best relationship I can with the person I’m with. Sometimes listening to something someone says that validates a way I’m feeling, feels great, but it doesn’t always actually have truth behind it. I recently stumbled upon Dr. Max Butterfield and I’ve gotta say it’s pretty refreshing. He has a website, wish he had a YouTube, for now though, I’ll settle with his reels on IG. Thought I’d share it here because it’s caring of course. I love that he usually has 3 reasons to give for why the “propaganda” is crap, or 3 steps to do things the right way.
Out with the old and in with the new?
While I didn’t do so well with meditation this month, I had lots of other wins. Lots of journaling, worked out consistently, moved to a new state, got a new job, took lots of photos, and got to spend a fair amount of time outdoors. Winning a little bit at a time. I’m ready for August. Heck, I’m ready for September, and even December. May have a little to do with grand babies on the way, but hey, let’s go!
Gemini Month B*tches .2025.
Birthdays are a mother f’er. Nothing like feeling older to help give you a swift kick in the direction of motivation. Seeing that life keeps on going, makes me want to keep on growing. Keep finding all the things that bring me joy and continue …