FOMO

Fear of missing out….

Okay, hear me out. I know it’s easy to get wrapped up in what everyone else is doing, and wishing we were there, or wishing we weren’t where we are. But why?

I spent a lot of time last year hurting because my divorce took me away from a lot of my old routines. It made me feel like I was no longer a part of my kids lives, part of that was connected to being an empty nester. I even felt like I was missing out on all of the fun my ex and I used to have together. I had gotten it into my head that I wasn’t able to do things on my own, or that I wasn’t actually capable of my own fun, even though I am a naturally independent person.

Last week was a family member’s birthday and the memories of an event we spent together popped up on my Facebook memories. Love and hate those sometimes! The realization was that I was able to share those pictures with the active parties and not feel sad that I was missing out on this year’s festivities was a great feeling. It’s really hard to see my growth until something like that happens. I did some thinking around all of that and had some realizations. I’ve been big on reframing my thought processes around the past and what I want for the future, so I thought I’d share how my brain came to understand why I feel okay now versus last year per say.

What are you missing out on?

A lot of what hurt me last year was the hopes I had for the future. Realistically speaking, the things I was sad about weren’t even my past reality. I was missing the life I wanted, and not really missing how life was before. I think a lot of FOMO is related to that kind of thinking. That happy photo or thing you are missing out on was a fraction of a second in comparison to the grand scheme of things, or maybe even just posed as a grandiose thing.

A question for you, when you see things happening in your social feeds, what is the thing you’re actually sad about? Are you missing the connections? Are you jealous of the activity? Do you feel unchosen?

What do you really desire?

I love doing things, going places, being with my people, laughing and having a good time. Realistically speaking, the fun photo memory had a lot of not good attached to it. The behind the scenes included arguing, being sad, not being sober, and genuinely not feeling good about myself. Being at that event wasn’t good for me, or my family. It didn’t help my marriage at the time, it just fed into a lot more insecurity and angst.

So what do or did I really want? I want to go play and connect with my family. I want to feel good and know that my actions are aimed at my true north and following thru to that. The me that I want to present to the world, isn’t that old person. So why would I miss out on things that don’t sing to my soul anymore?

Knowing you’re experiencing FOMO, and realizing what it is you actually want is helpful.

How do you act on that?

Live the life you want. Believe me, I know it’s harder than just that. We spend so much time doing what we think other’s expect of us that we neglect our soul satisfying life. We go out drinking even if we know it is actually bringing our day to day down. More times than I can count, I went out and partied all night, then didn’t go out and hike like I’d planned the next morning. Fail. The acting has a lot to do with what you are willing to live with, connected to where you find peace as yourself.

Saying no is okay. Make the plans you want. If you want to go watch the sunset, and someone asks you to do something else, you already have plans, stick to them. #boundaries Your people are advocating for themselves, it’s okay to advocate for yourself too. Side note, it is okay to ask for a moment to decide what you really want when you’re invited to do something, and then get back to them. Take the time to reflect on what actually brings you more joy. Are you afraid you’ll upset someone? Is what they want more important than your want? Are you just scared you’ll miss out on something crazy? Will it really impact you in a positive way? You do you boo.

My biggest realization has come through focusing on the positives in my life. I love where I live now, even if it’s not a quick drive to see family. I actually talk to my kids more now than I did when I lived there, I still miss them like crazy. I am spending more time creatively. I was able to go to Costa Rica last month. My job is even pretty fun, even if I’d like to make more money doing it. I even have a goal to beat that income with my photography. Change is good.

Initially finding this for myself felt like a betrayal to my family. Now though, I FEEL more balanced as myself than I have ever felt in my life. I drinking a lot less and less often, maybe I’ll quit someday but I haven’t fully committed to that yet.

I am going to continue fighting for me and I hope you will start to fight for yourself too.