March 2025
Three months down. The majority of what I’ve heard is right, things are feeling better. The feeling of my heart falling out of my chest has gone, sadness still has moments, but on the lower percentage of things. I’m seeing more light than dark. That’s victory. That’s me. I AM a happy person. I AM what I choose to be. I AM a super fun chick. I AM proud of me.
This month has seen a lot of growth. My biggest take away has been to continue practicing gratitude! I’ve been writing down 10 things I am grateful for, not every day, but consistently. Making myself find the good in my day helps me acknowledge how much good there really is. Money hound media and politics wants us to believe otherwise. Is there bad stuff out there? Absolutely. Can I change it? Probably not. Does dwelling on what I cannot change help me? No…
Journaling It
March 4th
Family is who you let into your life, and as hard as it is being the outsider coming in, these people are pretty special. Navigating learning their personalities is full of challenges. Especially with teenagers. They are still trying to figure out who they are, just like I am. Just loving them where they are is all I can do. Just the same as I am doing myself.
Flow night is tomorrow, do I want to stay that late? I find joy in the flow but need to continue getting more comfy with convos with new people. It’s hard to let go of my reserve. I know people enjoy me as myself. #ownthatsheeeeee
March 7th
A-B-C Loop ____ How to influence when you’ve had a negative impact on your relationship….
A – Apologize, then ask open ended questions.
B – Back off and observe their behavior
C – CELEBRATE – good times, come on… Sorry my add has a tendency to fill songs in with lyrics and melodies… Celebrate any progress you see.
When you’ve tried influencing a person you love to change towards healthy habits, and become a nagging person, you’ve killed any desire for them to change. It’s imperative that you wait 3-6 months for the tension to settle. (Okay, my brain probably went the same place as yours. At least THREE months to get over a break up. Any whoooo…) Boom! The victory comes in the celebrating of the positive.
Not journal note: If you’ve got a partner who is adamant that your habits are shitty(or maybe you’re that pattern), PLEASE, refer them to the ABC loop and how it can help you settle from your trauma response. We’ve all got blocks when our partner asks us for things repetitively. I know first hand, it’s hard to be asked for something that meets our own need, but also is a HUGE need for our partner, when our HUGE needs are neglected. Dropping the subject and working on the connection, or whatever else is needed, is so important. <—- There may have been some wine involved with this thought but I’m gonna leave it.
March 8th
Two days in a row, the end is a new beginning, has come into my existence. I have to say that the beginning of Jason and I has been pretty incredible. Yesterday, we had a sort of preventative therapy session. Hearing his therapist say that he’s a partner was pretty damn exciting. Feels like that was a green light for me to let my heart soar with him. 💕 There is still stressful stuff to talk about. Parenting type things, finances, partying… I don’t doubt that the communication will be good. He makes my silly heart pitter patter.
March 11th
Paige’s B-day
Today started out tough. I planned to go to visit Paige tomorrow because it sounded like her day would already be busy… Troy called to tell me that they were going to do the gender reveal at dinner and it hurt my feelings that I wasn’t in the know. Turned out to be a very last minute decision and Paige didn’t feel like she was worth me driving up twice to celebrate her. 🙁 That broke my heart a little bit, okay, a lot! After my initial hurt, I ended up deciding to come out and I’m glad I did. New baby is a boy… darn… but also I can’t wait to meet him.
But the thing that felt good was I intentionally didn’t sit by Troy and it seemed to bother him at first. It was good to put distance there. I get that I’ve been his comfort, just like he’s been mine for all these years in social gatherings. We both need to learn to be okay at family stuff without each other. I was able to make a joke and it lessened the awkward feeling. Driving home I felt a little sad about the family disconnect, but Jason was his normal sainthood and helped me feel okay. I love his big heart and how understanding he is through all of this stuff.
I got to his house, he made me a drink, and gave me a massage. It’s weird to think about long term, but he makes me think about the possibility again. <3
March 13th
I had a realization about Troy and Jason today. When Troy and I had separated before, he missed me around the 3 month mark and came back. I was thinking about what if that happened again… I had broken things off with a guy I was seeing and went back. I feel firm knowing that I wouldn’t go back again. 💪🏻
The small amount of time that I’ve spent with Jason has made me realize how much I was missing out on. Connection is super important for me emotionally but also sexually. I require minimal time to even want it. I love that Jason makes me a priority, and that he expresses his feelings. I don’t want to ever feel unvalued because of other people or things again.
I think I’m ready for the divorce… Then I think I’m not. Feelings are dumb… 03.17.2025
March 18th
BOOM! It’s the story!!!
Today I went snowboarding. Being in nature always makes me reflect on my life. Everything seems so conflicting. I’m not even sure how to put it in words yet.
I ended up listening to videos my therapist sent while driving up and back. I gotta say DAMN! It’s not that I’m attached to Troy… It’s the story. Our life, our family, the past, the end of a future. I’ve heard that different ways, but hearing Aaron Doughty talk about being able to throw a pen away isn’t a big deal. When you add that the pen was given to you by your grandma, you’ve had it since you were three, and now she’s passed… It’s harder to toss. Because you’re attached to the sentiment, the story you’ve attached to the pen… That really helped me today.
March 20th
Last night was flow night. I enjoyed seeing people I know. It feels like I’m starting to make my own connections and I enjoy that. I like spending time with people who enjoy me for me, not because I’m with someone else. The struggle is that I wish some of them were female…
Confidence = Trust In Self 03.22.2025
I used to think confidence was a way you portrayed yourself to others. Hearing it as trusting yourself makes me feel so much differently about it. Makes me sad actually. My self trust is so diminished, I don’t even know where to begin with that. How do I make myself believe I am capable of all the things I desire?
It might be small steps? Make small steps and gain victory over my self doubt. I think school will be good for me. Fire will definitely be good too. Tough and shitty situations tend to make me feel strong.
It’s also pretty amazing what surrounding yourself with amazing people can do. People who see and believe in me are pretty special. It’ so hard to cut out the toxic ones when you have so much love for them. But it’s something to be done.
March 24th
I did the cord cutting ceremony and it’s crazy how disconnected I feel now. Like a weight has been lifted. I can’t wait to continue this progress with my life and mental health. (Be on the lookout for a post on how I did mine, if you’d like to cut the cords from your ex too.)
Last Written Gratitude(s) of the Month
03.25.2025 On a “family” road trip for spring break, and asked the whole crew to participate.
1. Music 2. Clean H20 3. Veggies – K
1. Family 2. Extended Family 3. Food/shelter – M
1. Employment 2. Paid Vacation 3. Darci saying she’d take a DJ lesson – J
1. Blue skies 2. Fun Rides 3. Veggies 4. Bitchin Sauce 5. Leo Pictures 6. Jason 7. Swimming Pools 8. Cozy Jammies 9. Hot showers 10. Safe travels ❤️ Me
BOOK TO READ!!!
This book. Sometimes you listen to something once and get a shit ton of stuff from it. Then you listen again, and BOOM, MIND BLOWN! Victim is an easy mindset to be in and learning to be a creator of your experience, is hard AF. I listened to this a second time. Also started another book, but I’ll get to that one next month. It’s so easy to allow others to have such a handle on how life is and hard to accept that we are actually the ones in control. Coming from a “victim” of domestic violence and a victim of many other things, this came as a hard realization. Is there risk to standing up and doing what you want? Yes. But would you rather live in that shit show, or move forward and chase after the life you want? I want the latter. I want to live and move towards only the things that I find of value. I want to love and be loved in the purest form. Does that mean divorce is a sin? Maybe. But NO God I’ve ever know has wanted any of his creations to suffer at the hands of another. SO, FUCK YEAH, I’ve got this, and so do you. (Side note: If you are in a sketchy situation, there are SO many places that will help you. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends, or community for a handout. We all need help sometimes, and it’s okay to ask for it.)
Now go find your power as a creator!
Youtube
My therapist put me onto this guy… Aaron Doughty. To say I’ve gone off the deep end is probably an understatement… Learning to accept and embrace my Higher Self, has been informative. I don’t want to operate as a victim, and I sure as heck don’t want to operate at a low frequency. High vibration here I come.
This video has the story about the pen. It starts at 11:26 minutes, but I’d like to encourage you to watch the whole video.
Hello Spring!
Springs is on its way here and I am excited for the flowers to bloom, to get back to work, and to keep moving forward. If you have a moment to comment below, I’d love to hear things that helped you from my last few posts, and things you are personally excited for coming up!
Gratitude 🫶🏻
Darci